Protection Against Domestic Violence

Posted: January 18th, 2012

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 911.

Each day, three women are killed in America by boyfriends or husbands.  Men, children, elders and pets also become victims of domestic violence.  Domestic violence is legally defined as any abusive behavior committed by a household member that results in injury or death.  Sometimes called battering or relationship abuse, domestic violence is a pattern of behavior used to establish control and power over another person through fear, intimidation and/or violence.
Batterers use threats, intimidation, isolation and other behaviors to maintain their control over another person.  Domestic violence can include physical, emotional and/or economic abuse and can impact people of any income, race or sexual orientation.  Over 30% of Americans say they know a woman who has been abused by her husband or boyfriend.  You do not have control over your partner’s behavior but you do have a choice of how to respond.  It is very difficult to decide to leave a relationship, but it is usually the right answer.

If these experiences are happening to you, you might feel hopeless, ashamed, desperate, confused and alone.  You may not want to tell other people about your situation because you feel afraid, embarrassed or fear for the safety of your children, parents or other vulnerable members of your household.  You are NOT ALONE and you can find help.

Here are some signs of an abusive relationship that may result in domestic violence

  • You are afraid of your partner’s temper
  • You are overly concerned about what kind of mood your partner is in
  • Your partner prevents you from seeing your friends or family, or alienates them so that they are uncomfortable being around him
  • Your partner threatens to hurt or kill you, your children, your family, friends or pets
  • Your partner yells at you, reprimands you or demeans you in public
  • Your partner calls you names, insults you, threatens you with or actually commits sexual violence against you
  • Your partner hits, slaps, pushes or shoves you, pulls your hair or inflicts physical injury on you in any way
  • Your partner prevents you from getting or keeping a job
  • Your partner keeps you from leaving the house or locks you out of the house.

There’s no reason to accept or tolerate this behavior from a spouse or domestic partner. If you need help, here’s what you can do:

  • Leave your home or have someone stay with you.
  • Go to a battered-women’s shelter.
  • Get medical attention from your doctor or hospital emergency room.  Ask the staff to photograph your injuries and keep detailed records in case you decide to take legal action.
  • Communicate with someone who can help—a trusted friend or family member, an advocate or domestic hotline counselor, your priest or minister, your doctor.
  • Have a plan for where to go when you escape the home situation.  If you don’t have a car, think of a safe place nearby where someone can pick you up.  Also, know the routes to pubic transportation closest to your house.
  • If you have an Order of Protection, keep it on you at all times and keep a copy of it somewhere safe.
  • Establish a code word you can use with a friend to indicate your need for help when you are in trouble but unable to speak freely.  When your friend hears that word, it means “Call 911”.
  • If you live alone and are in fear, consider installing an alarm system to not only protect your house when you are away, but to also have emergency features accessible from all rooms of the house.

Decide how you and your children would get out of your home if necessary

  • Know a pathway you can use at night.  Think of public places you can access 24 hours a day.  Know the quickest route to the police station, hospital, fire station and well-lighted stores in your area.
  • If you leave by car, lock all doors immediately.
  • Keep your essential belongings—ID, cash, credit cards, keys—in a safe and quickly accessible place at all times.
  • Know the best route out of your home, room or apartment building.

If you are afraid your partner will harass you at work, make an escape route.  Also, give a photo of your abuser to a supervisor you trust and to building security if available and make sure the person will NOT be allowed inside.  Give a copy of your Order of Protection to personnel who will help ensure your safety at work.

Most important, know that this situation is not your fault.  Record incidents of abuse in detail, with photographs of injuries whenever possible, and be prepared to report the acts committed against you to authorities.  Do not let your fear of your partner keep you from halting this dangerous pattern of behavior.

You can only get help if you seek it.